What is a “good man”?

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I have friends, women friends, who are single or with someone but unhappy. The general consensus between all these women seems to be that they want a “good man”.

Don’t ask them to have a general consensus about what a good man is, though, because obviously like anything else that definition is going to vary from person to person.

So, the dictionary of Stephanie comes into play. The most accurate definition of what a good man is. You asked for it, and here it is.

A Good Man:

A good man is someone who tells you that you’re beautiful every day. He looks at you with wide eyes when he says it, so you know he means it. A good man tells you this while not being able to keep his hands off of you. Loving, touching, squeezing; all that jazz.

A good man doesn’t JUST tell you that you look beautiful. He specifies what about you is beautiful, so you know it’s true. He tells you that you have flawless skin, or that you’re ass looks AHMAZING! (yea, ahmazing with an h, say it like this… ahhhhh mazing)

A good man cups his hands around your face and tells you that he loves you, he tells you that he’ll love you forever, and he believes it… so you believe it.

A good man looks like a homeless person, his hair is getting so long, yet when he has a chance to get it cut he stays home to pay the bills.

A good man rocks his son to sleep at night and listens to the same YouTube video over and over again because the two year old commands it. Even though he says, “only one more time”, he listens to this YouTube video an additional three times before tucking the little one snugly and warmly into bed and saying goodnight.

A good man gives you a back rub at night, even though he worked all day, even though his back probably hurts, too. But he doesn’t ask for one in return, he just gives.

A good man doesn’t want you to spend so much money on Starbucks coffee, it really drives him crazy, yet he has come to terms with the fact that it makes you happy, so he doesn’t say anything.

A good man cries when he sees you walking down the aisle at your wedding. He takes your hand, and even though he knows he is wearing a mic, tells you a plethora of emotional and loving things.

A good man stays with you through millions of hours of pregnancy, what feels like millions of hours of labor, and millions of hours of sleepless nights. He doesn’t understand what it is to carry and birth a child, but he really thinks it’s cool and amazing and recognizes the sacrifice on your part to do it.

A good man tells you that he loves that you have a strong personality, he laughs at your jokes and he listens to your rants. He knows who you were, accepts who you are, and sees who you could be.

This man does laundry, vacuums and makes sure you have a clean pillow to lay your head on at night. When you cook for him he always tells you it was good, and then he washes the dishes. He kills spiders, chases away bees, hangs pictures, washes cars, kisses away bruises and tears, pushes little bodies on swings and down slides, checks homework, makes beds, and shampoos carpets. He is tireless, and selfless, and maybe still looks homeless…

But he’s beautiful to you…

Because he’s strong, and sweet. Because his smile still makes you feel like the world is a good place, and his arms are still the safest place in the world for you. Because no matter what you do or what you say, what kind of evil witch or sulky little girl you turn into, he still sees you as his soul mate.

This is a good husband, a good father, a good person. A man who once told me that if all he left behind was the legacy that his children and his family viewed him as a “good man”, that this would be more than enough for him. Who could ask more from their partner in life? He doesn’t want riches or notoriety, he doesn’t need a high flying career or fast cars (although he would like them)…

All he needs in this life is to give himself to his family, to show them that he loves them and that he is there; every gray hair, every wrinkle, every puffy eye is because he is out there giving it his all for US. All he needs, all he wants, is to be the best for the people he loves…

And all I need is him.

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“He fills me up, he gives me love, more love than I’ve ever seen. He’s all I got, he’s all I got in this world, but he’s all the man that I need.” -Whitney Houston

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When to say when.

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This is about relationships…

The most talked about, most trite, most exhausted topic that exists. And yet, this is my blog and it’s what I choose to write about tonight. I’ll try to keep it original.

Having been in my fair share of them, I consider myself a quick study and a self-proclaimed expert on relationships and the types of people in them. I can usually talk with a couple for a short time and know whether or not it’s going to last. It’s a gift and a curse, because although you can see that guillotine coming down… what can you really say? No one wants to hear that they are incompatible, or that they have work to do on themselves before they can be in a functional relationship.

My little sister has been in an on again, off again relationship with a young man for a few years now. At the start of it I thought he was good for her in comparison to her previous beau who once referred to the Spades in a deck of card as “the pointy ones”….

But, as is to be expected, they have grown apart because she has grown up. She has developed a greater sense of self, and a better feel of the world while he has pretty much stayed the same.

Here is my unsolicited, self-proclaimed expert advice to my baby sister and all young women like her. Learn from those of us who are older and wiser… again, self-proclaimed.

  1. If there is a trait about this person you don’t like, it will only become exacerbated with age: So he is a homebody at 23. Expect him to be Howard Hughes level of reclusive by 30. You’re going to have to start ordering your groceries to be delivered to the house. Eventually, he won’t even come out of the bedroom because he has everything he needs there… PS4, HBO, COD, and all other letters associated with being a couch potato. If he’s a bit of a neat freak at 25, one day you’ll be waking up next to Howie Mandel. He’ll hook up the pipes to actually spit out hand sanitizer instead of water, and he’ll shave his head just because hair can and will get dirty!
  2. If you look at him now and feel repulsed (even for a minute, even just a little stomach turn), that doesn’t go away. He is the loudest eater you have ever met. You literally are starting to believe that he wasn’t born with the insulation normal people have in their cheeks. Every once in a while he’ll say something to you with a little whine in his voice, and you have to leave the room in order to not punch him right in the face. You’ve started watching those pseudo-documentaries about “women who kill” in order to get some tips. Right now he’s young, he can still be considered cute (in the right light). Take all those little things that are the emotional equivalent of nails on a chalkboard for you, and add a beer belly and receding hair line. Without the redeeming qualities of youth and good looks, you might actually find yourself as the subject of one of those documentaries.
  3. He talks down to you… This one pretty much speaks for itself. But I’ll say some stuff anyways. Men generally think they know more than woman. It’s not their fault, it’s the way they were brought up and the culture we live in. Every once in a while you will come across the very special, very enlightened man who will *gasp*, give you credit when it’s due. He will also have figured out, in that rare instance when you are wrong, how to speak to you in a way that doesn’t make you feel like a cocker spaniel. If he is 22 years old and already pulling the “I am man, hear me roar” garbage on you, his overly inflated head will only get bigger. Eventually, even the most expensive marriage counselor won’t save him from the most expensive divorce lawyer.
  4. He loves his mother… he REALLY loves his mother. A man showing his mother respect and love is absolutely an amazing thing, and their relationship should be treated with reverence. There is a fine line, and you’ll know when it’s been crossed. If he has moved out and his mother still calls to tell him goodnight, the line has been crossed. If he has a job and a significant other and his mother still buys him underwear, the line has been crossed. Imagine being a contestant on one of those reality shows where you are on a desert island, fighting to survive. Now imagine that instead of that experience lasting a month, it lasts forever. The rest of your life. Until you die. On the bright side, if you like being in constant competition and usually losing, this is the right guy for you!

This list could become very lengthy, but I think I’ve made my point. No one is perfect, but there are HUGE, GLARING warning signs that should not be ignored. The benefit of youth is learning from your mistakes, and trying to not make them again. Not only do people not change, but they usually get worse. If you don’t agree with my point of view, if you think I’m all cynicism and no romance, marry the person I have described above and then send me the link to your blog entry.

I can’t wait to read it. 🙂