I’ve spent the majority of my 20’s being afraid to turn 30.
I remember being 19 years old and watching my older brother preparing to hit the big 3-0. I thought to myself then, “damn, that is SO old”. Now, I find myself just past that point and I haven’t reached an evolved stand point on it. I still think, “damn, I am SO old”.
There are a plethora of people out there in their thirties who will insist that this is the best time of their life; they’ve never felt better, they’ve never been more aware of who they really are!
It’s true, I don’t think I’ve ever known myself better. That comes with age. So does being sore when you wake up in the morning, little lines around your eyes, an increased sense of mortality salience… I’ll go back to not knowing myself that well if this is the trade off I get.
On a more positive note, I think I am aging gracefully if it’s possible to be graceful whilst kicking and screaming. I keep holding out hope that some handsome vampire will approach me before I get old and saggy and ask me to join him in the world of immortality and night. I’m not naive, I don’t think I am actually OLD at this point, but I do know it’s coming and to be blunt…
It scares the shit out of me.
So as I live in a world where thirty is old and death is right around the corner, you can imagine the level of anxiety I feel on a regular basis. Here is the positive side of the recognition that each of us won’t live forever.
1. YOLO! You only live once. I am very aware of this. So from time to time I act impulsively, I rarely act my age, I laugh hard and loud at every opportunity and I give everyone a chance to come into my life and change it.
2. Kicking ass and taking names: At work, I don’t mess around. I want to be the best, I want to spend every second giving every effort and when I take a pause to breathe at the end of the day I can look back and feel accomplished and productive. I don’t want to waste any day. Do I necessarily want to be spending my short life at work? No, I’d rather be traveling the world, sipping espresso in some Venetian cafe. Does that mean I can’t LOVE what I do? I do love what I do, because it’s what I have and shouldn’t we love the one we’re with?
3. Being incredibly and unapologetically vain: Who are these people who think looks don’t matter? They absolutely matter! Whether or not it’s right is a debate for another time and culture. We live and love here and now, we judge people based on what they look like immediately. Later they might charm us with their sense of humor or kindness, but we will always have that first impression of what they looked like. So I make sure my first impression will be a good one. My husband has made a joke (or maybe it’s not a joke) about how I can spend two hours a day at the gym and two hours a day getting ready but I can’t find the time to put the laundry away.
4. Speaking the truth: Maybe you think that if you’re going to die tomorrow the last thing on your tongue should be kind words, or whatever. If what you have to say is kind, then by all means SPEAK IT. But if you feel a certain kind of way, if you really want to let your boss know that you notice his favoritism or let the barista at Starbucks know that you’re sick and tired of ordering a peppermint mocha and getting just a plain old mocha, SPEAK IT!
In conclusion… oh, conclusion seems so final.
Lets just end this.